Warriors Spoof!
by waveangel
Summary: Does exactly what it say in the title. Spoof. Tigerclaw's not too bright, Rusty/Firepaw is kinda useless, Brokentail needs serious therapy, Bluestar won't admit she's going grey and the only sane cat appears to be Spottedleaf. Sound good? then read,please
1. Prologue

_Okay, my first warriors fanfic. Here goes nothing, and as a special treat we have a special guest today to say the diclaimer!! it's.....Brokentail!!!_

**BROKENTAIL: I can't believe your making me do this.**

**WAVEANGEL: Look, the sooner you do it, the sonner you can go plot world domination, okay?**

**BROKENTAIL: Fine. Waveangel doesn't own Warriors. Or Madagascar, the movie not the place.**

**WAVEANGEL: See? was that really so hard? (GREYSTRIPE: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!) -_- Let's just get on with the story...**

* * *

Prologue

A half-moon glowed on smooth granite boulders, turning them silver. The silence was broken only by the ripple of water from the swift black river and the whisper of trees in the forest beyond.

There was a stirring in the shadows, and from all around lithe shapes crept stealthily over the rocks. Unsheathed claws glinted in the moonlight. And then, as if on a silent signal, the creatures leapt at each other, and suddenly the rocks were alive with wrestling, screeching cats.

At the centre of the frenzy of fur and claws, a massive brown tabby tom pinned a bracken coloured tom to the floor and drew his head back triumphantly.

_Haha! Now I've got you right where I want you, Oakheart you sexy thing! _Tigerclaw thought, but what he said was:

"Oakheart! What _are _you doing in our territory? These sunbeds belong to Thunderclan!"

Oakheart laughed kinda maniac-like,

"After tonight Tigerclaw, they will be just another part of Riverclan territory!" the bracken coloured tom spat back

"Ewwwwwwww!!!!! Honestly, that was gross! Say it don't spray it!!" Tigerclaw squealed girlyly.

"Did you just squeal like a girl?" Oakheart asked in amazement.

"No." Tigerclaw said, recovering from his squeamishness, "anyway, Riverclan can't have the sunbeds, we reserved them with our towels!!"

"Wrong Tigerclaw, Wrong! We can, and we are!"

Some other cat (possibly Longtail) screamed, "Oh poo!!! More Riverclan warriors are coming!!!"

Tigerclaw lifted his head to look around for whoever had let out that scream, making a big mistake. He took his eyes off Oakheart.

Oakheart took full advantage, and kicked him in the voonerables, before running away. Tigerclaw bent over double, gasping for breath. That always happened when he looked away, he should have learnt by now.

When he had regained his breathe Oakheart was gone, lost in the sea of fighting cats. Tigerclaw let out a hiss, then looked around as he heard a scream.

More Riverclan warriors had pulled themselves out of the river and thrown themselves into the frenzy, far outnumbering the Thunderclan cats. As he watched, he saw a huge Riverclan tom, still dripping from his swim across the river, pin down a smaller, brown she-cat.

Like a ninja, Tigerclaw threw himself at the enemy tom, throwing him across the clearing.

"Quick, Mousefur, get out of here! You're too hurt to fight on!" he hissed at his clan mate. She obeyed, thinking _yes!!! Now I can go on the x-box!!_

The Riverclan tom leapt at Tigerclaw, raking his claws down the tabby's nose.

"You git!!" Tigerclaw snarled, then laser beams shot from his eyes to hit the enemy warrior; whose fur fell out with a poof and drifted to the floor, leaving a _very _self conscious tom naked wearing just a pair of love heart briefs. Crying and trying to cover himself up, the Riverclan tom ran away, looking _much _smaller than he had originally.

"Hah!! FAIL!!!" Tigerclaw screamed manically

"Tigerclaw!?"

Tigerclaw looked around,

"Who is it?"

Redtail rolled his eyes, Starclan the guy was dumb, there was no way _he'd _ever be able to try to take over the clan.

"It's your conscience, douchebag," Redtail meowed, "turn around."

Tigerclaw turned around,

"Redtail!" _Oh Starclan, please tell me he didn't just hear me scream manically._

Redtail sighed,

"Tigerclaw, this fight is pointless, we're never going to win, and we're outnumbered twenty to one. I'm gonna call a retreat." He meowed.

All Tigerclaw heard was,

"Tigerclaw, blah blah, useless, blah blah we're blah going to win, blah blah twenty to one, blah blah retreat." All the way through Redtail's words, all Tigerclaw could think was, _wow, Redtail really sounds like my conscience, hmmmm, that's odd......what? wait....retreat?_

Tigerclaw jumped up to join Redtail on a rock that was miraculously empty of cats.

"What?! Retreat?? We can't retreat, Thunderclan have never lost before!"

Redtail sighed,

"Your bravery will be honoured, Tigerclaw, but Bluestar wouldn't want her warriors to fight a battle they knew they couldn't possibly win." _if only so she had warriors to do all her dirty work, like go out on patrols, and bring her food_, Redtail added mentally.

"But....but...." Tigerclaw stuttered, helplessly, and then he wailed childishly, "it's not fair!! I want to carry on fighting!!"

"But you're not in charge, I am. And I say RETREAT, THUNDERCLAN!! RETREAT!"

Immediately, the Thunderclan warriors turned and ran back into their own territory.

The Riverclan warriors looked amazed for a moment, and then they broke into that time honoured song,

"YOU'RE NOT SINGING ANYMORE! YOU'RE NOT SIIIINGIIINGGG AAAANNNNYYYYMOOOOOOOOORREE!"

At the back of the Thunderclan cats, Tigerclaw looked back, one day, he thought, I'll get them back.....one day....I'll, I'll.......I'll lead THUNDERCLAN into battle and we'll make them....make them.....make them _sorry_ they ever took these sunbeds! Yeah, that's what he'd do. With these thoughts, thought, Tigerclaw followed the rest of his clan.

That night at the camp, a blue-grey she-cat sat looking up at the sky, her fur turned silver by the moonlight.....at least, that's what she thought. In fact she was turning grey with age, but everyone knew how sensitive she was about that and chose to avoid saying anything.

A beautiful, slender tortoishell padded out of the ferny corner of the camp and padded over to the other she-cat, who dipped her head in greeting,

"Hello, Spottedleaf. How is Mousefur?"

"She is well, Bluestar, she is a healthy young she-cat, she will heal quickly."_ and I'm fine also, thank you so much for asking._

"I am worried, Spottedleaf. Thunderclan hasn't lost a battle in its own territory since I became leader. _And_ we've had fewer kits born this year. WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO US!!?"

Spottedleaf sat back, worried that Bluestar was going to go into one of her mood swings.

"Calm down Bluestar, it's still barely new-leaf, there WILL be new kits born, as soon as it warms up." No-one wants to have their kits in the middle of winter, she added mentally.

"But training our young takes time, Spottedleaf. I can't see how Thunderclan can survive with such low numbers of warriors. Has Starclan spoken to you?"

"Not yet Bluestar, but I'm sure that if they have anything to say..."

Spottedleaf froze, looking up at the sky, her fur prickling. Bluestar waited patiently, knowing that Starclan were speaking to the young medicine cat.

She waited.

And waited.

"HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE??!" She yowled, patience gone.

Spottedleaf blinked, snapping out of her trance.

"What?"

Bluestar scowled at her, "well? What did they have to say?"

Spottedleaf frowned, "what ARE you talking about Bluestar?"

Bluestar gawped at the young medicine cat for a moment, then exploded,

"WHAT DID STARCLAN HAVE TO SAY?? YOU'VE JUST SPOKEN TO THEM HAVEN'T YOU??"

Comprehension dawned on Spottedleaf,

"Ohhhh...they said 'fire will save our clan'."

"Fire??" Bluestar asked, incredulously, "But fire is feared by all clans? How can it save us?"

"I have no idea, Bluestar, but if Starclan say it will happen..."

"We have to trust them." Bluestar finished, thinking, _very well, Starclan, fire will save our clan. I just hope it hurries up about it._

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_Well, what you think?? R&R people!! or i will cry, especially if you are mean to me._


	2. Chapter 1

Woo! It's finally finished. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I don't think I've ever been so happy about getting emails. Yes, it's sad isn't it? okay, I don't think this one Is as good as the first, but tbh, I couldn't find much to take the Michael out of, since Tigerclaw and Bluestar aren't in this one (mega-sadness). Hopefully, the next one will be better. Anyways, here are the disclaimers:

I don't own warriors, or the round-house kick (there, now I can sleep in less fear that Chuck Norris will get me), or Charlie red, or Smudge's talking style. That's it, I think. I apologise if it isn't.

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Chapter 1

It was very dark, probably because it was night-time. Rusty could sense something very near. The young tom-cat's eyes opened wide as he scanned the dense undergrowth that was NOT his garden. This place was unfamiliar, but the strange scents drew him onwards, deeper into the shadows.

His stomach growled, reminding him that it was almost dinner time. He opened his mouth to let the warm smells of the forest reach the scent glands on the roof of his mouth. The musty odour of leaf mould mingled with the delicious smelling aroma of some small, defenceless furry thing.

Suddenly a flash of grey raced past him. He let out a squeak of shock, before remembering himself and stalking it. It was a....little grey thing, like the toy his housefolk had bought him. It didn't smell like his toy, and it moved, but he was going to stalk it anyway, just 'cos that's what cats do.

Slowly, he lowered his body to the floor and crept forward, belly fur brushing the ground. He was downwind of the mouse, a little voice in his head told him, and it was unaware of him. With a final waggle of his bottom, Rusty leapt, kicking up leave litter. The mouse finally noticed him, and tried to escape down a tunnel, but failed, as Rusty scooped it into the air then jumped on it, squishing it with his kitten fat.

Suddenly, a noise roared nearby. Rusty looked up, angrily, thinking he would scratch it for interrupting his hunt, but then the forest faded, the roaring became clearer and he woke up.

His housefolk had filled up his food bowl with hard pellets that looked like rabbit droppings, and probably tasted like them too, but Rusty had never been inclined to eat _real_ rabbit droppings, as that would just be disgusting and common. His stomach rumbled and he reluctantly gobbled up a few mouthfuls, just to shut it up, his collar tinkling and rubbing the fur on the back of his neck where in his dream the wind had ruffled it.

Suddenly, his house felt too enclosed, and Rusty felt claustrophobic, so he pushed his way out of his cat flap, into his garden, hoping the smell of the garden would bring back the feelings of his dream.

Outside, the moon was bright, and it was raining slightly. For a moment, Rusty wondered if he should go back inside, he didn't like getting his fur wet, you see. But instead, he stalked down the starlit gravel path, feeling the cold stones sharp under his paw pads. Behind a large, glossy leaved bush with heavy purple flowers he made his dirt (translation to human: he did a poo). The flowers, with their sickly sweet scent cloyed the air around him (at least, he thought it was the flowers), and he sprayed on his housefolk's Charlie red (inside the house, his female housefolk said to her husband: "Barry? Have you had my perfume again?") To get the smell out of his nose.

Afterwards, Rusty sat down on the top of one of the posts that held up the fence that marked the garden's boundary, after several attempts. It was a favourite spot of his, as he could see into the neighbouring gardens, as well as into the dense green forest on the other side of his fence.

The rain had stopped. Behind him, the lawn was lit by the moon, making look like it was drowning in liquid silver. But the forest beyond his fence was full of shadows. Rusty stretched his head forward to sniff the cool air...and fell of the fence. He landed on his side, letting out an 'oof' as the breath was forced out his body.

Quickly, he jumped up, looking around. He let out a sigh of relief; no-one had seen him.

"What ya doin' Wusty?"

Rusty leaped up in shock, then spun around.

"SMUDGE!!"

A plump, black and white kittypet, around Rusty's age, wobbled precariously on the fence, grinning slyly.

"Nice fall!" he meowed, laughing at the Ginger tom.

Rusty frowned at him, fur bristling,

"I... I meant to do it!!"

"Suuuwe you did," Smudge purred, drawing one paw over his ear, "Anyways, what you doin' Wusty?"

Rusty looked at the dark forest, remembering his dream. He suddenly itched to go in and explore.

Smudge's eyes widened,

"You awen't _sewiouswy_ thinking of going into the _woods_, awe you?"

Rusty shuffled his paws, not meeting his friend's eyes,

"No, 'course not, I'm not dumb!"

"You awe, I can tell!" Smudge cried indignantly

"OKAY!! YES, I AM GOING INTO THE WOODS!!" Rusty frowned at the black and white tom, "But it is just for a look."

"You wouldn't catch me in therwe." Smudge said eyes wide, "Henwy went into the woods once, and he says it's full of wild cats that eat wabbit bones!"

"Henry? In the woods?" Rusty laughed, "That fat old tabby never went into the woods!!"

"Yes he did!!" Smudge cried indignantly, fluffing up, "he caught a wobin in there!!"

Rusty gave his friend a doubtful look,

"Well, _if_ he did, then it was before he went to the vet. Now he complains about birds because they disturb his sleep!" he laughed.

"Well, anyways, Henwy said he met wild cats in therwe, _huge_ ones that would eat you as soon as they looked at you!" Smudge repeated, determined to stop Rusty's adventure.

Rusty rolled his eyes,

"I'm only going for a look!! I won't stay long."

"Well, when you get killed and eated, don't say I didn't warn you Wusty." Smudge shrugged.

"Smudge! I can look after myself!!" Rusty said, frustrated, proving himself wrong when he turned around and stalked straight into a tree, bashing his nose.

"Shuure, whatever, see you awound Wusty." With these words, the black and white cat plunged off the fence back into his own garden.

Rusty sat on the coarse grass beyond the fence, giving his shoulder a lick to smooth the fur on it down and wondering how much of what Smudge had said was true. Suddenly, he caught the movement of a tiny creature as it disappeared under some brambles.

Instinctively, he dropped into a crouch, and stalked forward, silently (or so he thought) through the undergrowth. His ears pricked, his eyes wide open, and he crept up on the live-grey-thing-that-looked-like-his-toy. He could see it clearly as it sat up, nibbling a seed.

Rusty shuffled his back paws, getting ready to jump on it, trying not to let his bell ring. He tried to stay calm, this was soo much better than the dream, better even than the dream he'd had after he met that new she-cat who'd moved in nearby...

A sudden noise of a twig snapping startled the mouse and it disappeared. Angry, Rusty looked around for whatever had caused the noise. A white tipped red tail twitched, trailing through a bush. Rusty watched as it, too, disappeared, and then decided (stupidly) to follow it. A rustle distracted him. There was another red tail, sticking out of the bush next to him! Rusty crouched, watching as the tail twitched, then leapt onto it and bit down.

"Yeeoowwwww!!!!" he yowled, leaping up in pain.

He'd bitten his own tail. _No-one saw, it's okay, its oh-kay._ He thought to himself. Then, just as his heart was beginning to slow, he heard another noise. It was distant, but getting closer. He looked around, listening intently. _Pawsteps?_ He thought. It wasn't until the faint pawsteps became a rushing rustle that he realised he was in danger.

Scared, he spun around, trying to figure out which way the noise was coming from, but he couldn't.

The creature hit him like a housefolk monster, knocking him off his feet into a bunch of nettles that stung his delicate nose and paws. Twisting a yowling, he tried to escape from the sharp claws and needle-like teeth that gripped his back. _Duck and roll!! Duck and roll!! _He thought, flipping onto his back desperately. Luckily, he squished his attacker against the floor, and managed to escape.

Fur fluffed up, he raced away, towards where orange lights lit the sky, towards home. A rush of pawsteps told Rusty that his attacker was following him. Even though he hurt from where his attacker had scratched him, he decided to stand and fight.

Quick as a flash, Rusty stood on his hind paws and spun, kicking out with his leg and round-house kicking his pursuer straight into a tree-trunk.

Rusty dropped to all four paws again, warily. His attacker had been another kitten, with a thick coat of grey fur, strong looking legs and a broad face. He smelled that it was a tom, and noticed the powerful looking muscles in his shoulder. Taken by surprise, the grey tom had hit the tree hard, and lay at its roots, dazed.

As the grey kitten woke up and struggled to his feet, Rusty arched his back and fluffed out his fur, ready for another attack. _Think big, _he told himself, _think big!_ To his disappointment, the grey tom simply padded forward with a friendly purr.

"Hey there, Kittypet! How's it hanging!!?" The grey tom meowed cheerily, "You put up quite a fight for a tame kitkat!"

Rusty stayed where he was, then relaxed, happy that he wasn't going to be attacked again.

"And...And I'll fight you again if I have to." He growled, trying to sound fiercer than he looked, and failing. Miserably.

"I'm Greypaw by the way," The grey tom continued, "I'm training to be a Thunderclan warrior!"

Rusty gave him a confused look. _What was this kitten talking about?_

"Anyway, what's a kittypet like you doing out in the woods? Don't you know it's dangerous?" Greypaw meowed, ending with a sing-songy voice.

"Hah!" Rusty laughed, kinda arrogantly, "if _you're_ the most dangerous thing the woods has, then I think I can handle it."

"Oh, I'm far from the most dangerous thing in the woods," Greypaw meowed narrowing his eyes, "if I were even half a warrior I would have given an intruder like you serious wounds to remember me by."

"Anyway," Greypaw continued, ignoring the fact that Rusty had swallowed nervously, and licking his claws, "I didn't think you were worth hurting. It's not like you're from one of the other clans after all!"

"Huh?"

Greypaw hissed in surprise.

"You haven't heard of the clans!! You must have!!"

Rusty gave him a black look.

"Okay," Greypaw conceded, "maybe you haven't. Well, there are four clans, and I belong to the awesomest one, Thunderclan. The other clans are dirtbags, they're always trying to steal our food, 'cos it tastes nicer than theirs you see, and they try to invade our territory too." He hissed in anger, "Especially Shadowclan. They _hate_ kittypets, they'd have ripped you to shreds and used your fur for kit bedding, no questions asked."

Rusty continued to give him a blank look. ALL of what the grey tom had said had gone so far over his head, it was in the stratosphere (ooh yeah, big word of the day!!).

"Basically, there are gangs of cats running around who try to steal our food." Greypaw said, simplifying matters to make it easier for the kittypet to understand, "and it's the job of the warriors to stop them. When I finish training I'll be soo dangerous, I'll have the other clans quaking in their scraggily fur!"

Rusty's slow mind caught up,

"You're a wild cat?"

Greypaw gave him an incredulous look.

"Haven't I just explained that?"

_Whoa. This just got awesome, _Rusty thought, _smudge doesn't know anything, this kitten isn't scary and _he's _wild._

"So you're not a...warrior...yet?" rusty asked.

"Nope, why? Did you think I was?" Greypaw stuck out his chest, his long fur fluffed out, and then he deflated, "I'll be ancient before I am. You don't even _start _training until you're 6 moons old. This is the first time I've been let out on my own."

Rusty was confused,

"Why don't you find yourself a housefolk?" he asked, "then you'll be nice and warm when it's cold, dry when it rains and you'll be able to sleep and eat as much as you want!"

Greypaw just laughed at him,

"Why the hell would I do that? I'd be fed icky rubbish that smelt awful and tasted even worse, only going out when my twolegs let me out, that's no life!!"

Greypaw raised his head, looking up at the night sky; eyes reflecting the stars, and when he spoke next, his voice was filled with a hidden strength.

"Out here, its wild, it's free. We come and go as we please, when we please." Greypaw looked back at Rusty, eyes shining with mischief, "until you've tasted a freshly killed mouse you haven't lived. Have _you_ ever tasted mouse."

"No," Rusty replied, thinking, _what's a mouse?_ "Not yet."

"I guess you wouldn't be able to understand anyway, you have to be born with the blood of the wild in you, with the wind in your whiskers. Kittypets could never feel the same way."

Rusty was about to object, remembering his dream, when Greypaw froze,

"Awww hell!! I can smell cats from my clan. You'd better get out of here."

Rusty stood and spun around, not sure which way to go, but it was too late.

"What have we here then?"

* * *

Dun, dun, DUN!! Cliff-hanger!! Yes, before you say anything, Smudge's lines are supposed to be like that, as he has a lisp-thing. if you want to see where I got the idea, go on just click this link (.com/watch?v=1XYgtSCHvp4). R&R, if you like. i will happy-time dance if you do. Thanks for reading!!

Waveangel.


	3. Chapter 2

_Hah, here's the next bit. Much shorter, but hopefully still as good. I'm not gonna waffle (DONKEY: did someone say waffles?) so here are the disclaimers, and here is Tigerclaw to say them!_

_TIGERCLAW:*listening to iPod* big bum, big bum. I've a big bum. It's tight, it's firm, its number one!_

_WAVE ANGEL: umm, Tigerclaw? Everyone can hear you._

_TIGERCLAW: huh? What? Oh...*blushes*_

_WAVE ANGEL: (puts head in hands) just say the disclaimers._

_TIGERCLAW: Waveangel doesn't own warriors, or the prince charming flip, or the song I just sang (that belongs to Chris Moyles 3). Thank you. Can I go now?_

_WAVE ANGEL: Sure, don't make a mess with the play-dough!! Go for it, have a read._

**Chapter 2**

"What have we here then?"

Rusty jumped, defecating a piece of masonry (if you have no idea what that means...there will be a dictionary somewhere. Or you can wait until the end and I'll tell you.), then he turned to see a large grey-blue (more grey than blue, Rusty thought) she-cat stroll out of the undergrowth majestically. Rusty thought she looked magnificent (_wow, what a GILF, _was his actual thought, but saying he thought she looked magnificent is close enough). Silver and white hairs covered her muzzle and a scar left an ugly reminder of a battle on her shoulder, but her grey fur shone silver in the moonlight (Bluestar: I. AM. NOT. GOING. GREY!!!!!!).

"Bluestar!!!" Greypaw squeaked, crouching down submissively. He crouched even lower when a second cat, a handsome golden tabby tom (insert prince charming-like head fur swish here), stepped into the clearing.

"You shouldn't be so close to twoleg place, Greypaw!" the golden tom growled angrily, narrowing his green eyes.

"I know, Lionheart, I'm sorry." Greypaw said, crouching even lower. Rusty listened to his instincts as they screamed that copying the wild kitten was a good idea, and crouched also, his ears twitching nervously as he suddenly wished he'd listened to Smudge. _These_ wild-cats had an air of strength about them that made Rusty begin to believe his friend's stories.

"Who is this?" the she-cat asked, making Rusty flinch as she turned her piercing blue eyes on him. Her eyes seemed to bore into his mind, and Rusty hoped like hell that she couldn't read minds.

"Oh, him? He's no threat," Greypaw meowed quickly, "he's just a twoleg pet."

_Just a twoleg pet? Just a twoleg pet! _Rusty thought angrily, then remembered round-house kicking the grey tom and replayed that moment in his mind, _hah!_

As Rusty looked up, he saw the warning look Bluestar shot him and realised that she'd seen the anger in his eyes. He looked down.

"This is Bluestar, she's leader of my clan!" Greypaw hissed to Rusty, adding, "don't say anything about her going grey, she's in denial." In a barely audible whisper before continuing at his original volume, "and that's Lionheart, my mentor."

"Thank you for the introduction, Greypaw." Lionheart meowed coolly in a deep bass voice.

Bluestar was still staring at Rusty, who was getting uncomfortable. _Its fine thinking _what a GILF_, but not so good when you think that they are having similar thoughts about you,_ Rusty decided, immediately resolving to stop thinking such impure thoughts (anyone want to guess how long _that_ lasted?).

"You fight pretty well for a twoleg pet." She said, "are you sure you are a kittypet?"

"Ummm...yes, I'm a pet." Rusty replied, trying not to sound as confused as he was. Afterwards, he shared a confused look with Greypaw, who looked as confused as Rusty felt.

"We've been watching you both." Bluestar went on, sounding ominous (Rusty and Greypaw shared worried looks); "we wondered how you would deal with an intruder, Greypaw. You attacked him bravely."

Greypaw looked pleased by her praise, and tried to stick out his chest while crouching on the ground. Needless to say, that didn't go well for him.

"Sit up now, both of you!" Greypaw sat up, but Rusty stayed crouching, "you too, kittypet." She sighed, shaking her head.

Rusty sat up immediately and met her gaze.

"You reacted well to the attack, kittypet. Greypaw is stronger than you, but you used your wits (and a not-as-good-as-the-real-Chuck-Norris's-would-have-been roundhouse kick) to defend yourself. I have never seen a kittypet act like that."

Rusty managed to nod his thanks, the praise was unexpected, but welcome, but he was wondering where this not-going-grey-at-all she-cat was going with the conversation.

"I've been wondering how you would perform out here, beyond your twoleg garden. We patrol this border frequently and I've often seen you staring out at the forest from your fence. And now, at last, you have dared to enter our territory." Bluestar gave him a look, her eyes thoughtful, "you would have caught that mouse if you hadn't hesitated so long."

"Really?!" Rusty asked, shocked.

"Bluestar, honestly, he's just a kittypet, send him home to his twolegs, where he belongs!"

"Send me home!?" rusty squeaked, prickling at Lionheart's words, what Bluestar had said had made him glow with pride, "but I'm only hunting for a mouse or two! I'm sure there are plenty to go around!!"

Bluestar faced him, blue eyes cold and piercing,

"Enough? There is never enough!!! If you weren't such a babied kitten living a soft, pampered, over-fed life you would know that!!"

Rusty defecated another brick, seeing the she-cat's rage, and judging by Greypaw's face, the grey tom had too, and he wasn't even the subject of her wrath. The look on the wild cats' faces told him that he had gone too far. Lionheart stepped to his leader's side, and both warriors loomed over him. Looking into Bluestar's cold eyes, Rusty's pride dissolved. These weren't nice, sleeping-by-the-flower-that-burned cats like those who lived near his housefolk, they were fierce, wild predators, and they were probably going to finish the job Greypaw had started.

_Wow. This really is short. I'm sorry__. Oh, and defecating a brick roughly translates to 'pooed a brick', so there you are. Hope you enjoyed!! R&R please, then I know whether you did like it._


	4. Chapter 3

Well, hey everyone. sorry it's taken me so long :( i had exams and revision to do, baaad times people, baaaad times. anyways, i'd like to thank everyone who reviewed, especially hawkfire111, who reviews every time!! yay you!! as soon as i have invented a teleporter guess who's getting non-evil cookies. anyway, since Greystripe has been annoying me, like hell, by running through my stories -.- he's the one who has to do the disclaimer....in a pink frilly dress XD

Greystripe: *in very girly pink dress* i REALLY don't want to be here.

Wave angel: let this be a lesson to you XP

Greystripe: Wave angel doesn't own Warriors. but she wishes she did, cos then she's have invented me!!

Wave angel: unfortunately, you have to read this, and i'm gonna spend that time killing greystripe, hope you enjoy the spoof!!

**Chapter 3**

"well?" hissed Bluestar, her face only a few inches away from Rusty's. Lionheart remained silent as he towered over him.

Rusty flattened his ears and crouched under the golden tom's cold, cold stare, wishing the ground would swallow him up and hide him from these fierce beings. His fur prickled uncomfortably, "I am no threat to your clan," he mewed, looking down at his shivering paws.

"you threaten our clan when you steal our prey." Growled Bluestar, "you have enough food in your twoleg nest already. You only come here to hunt for sport, but we hunt to survive."

"i..." Rusty blinked, "I'd never thought of it that way before," he looked up and met the she-cat's stare, "I will not hunt here again."

Bluestar was quite surprised by this, her hackles fell and she signalled for Lionheart to step back, though Rusty couldn't see how.

"you are an unusual kittypet, Rusty." She meowed.

Greypaw's sigh of relief made Rusty's ears twitch and he realised how close he'd come to death. He'd heard the approval in Bluestar's voice and didn't miss the meaningful glance she swapped with Lionheart. But the look only made him curious.

"Is survival really that hard out here?" he asked quietly, trying not to offend again.

"our territory only covers part of the forest," Bluestar answered, "we compete with the other clans for what we have and what we need. And this year, new-leaf has come late, so prey is scarce."

"is your clan very big?" Rusty continued, fascinated, his eyes wide.

"big enough, our territory can support us but there's no prey left over."

"and you're all warriors, are you?" Rusty pressed, since Bluestar's answers were just making him more curious.

"some of us. Some are too young, or too old, or are too busy caring for kits to hunt and fight." Lionheart answered him.

"and you all live and share prey together?" it was more a statement than a question, but it was spoken with awe, as Rusty thought guiltily of his soft pampered life.

Bluestar gave Lionheart another significant look, then returned her gaze to Rusty and meowed,

"perhaps you'd like to find these things out for yourself. Would you like to join Thunderclan?"

Rusty gaped in amazement and couldn't speak.

"if you did, you'd train with Greypaw to become a clan warrior." The blue-grey queen continued.

"but...but kittypets can't become warriors!" Greypaw protested, "they don't have warrior blood."

Bluestar went misty eyed, and she looked very sad.

"warrior blood." She sighed, "too much of that has been spilt lately."

She fell silent and Lionheart covered up her melancholy mood by meowing,

"now, young tom, Bluestar is only offering you training, there's no garuantee that you'd become a warrior. After all, it may prove too hard for you (Wave angel: *giggles* teehee

Greystripe: that's just disgusting, Wave Angel.

Wave angel: and running through ALL my stories screaming THATS WHAT SHE SAID isn't?) since you are used to the soft life."

Rusty felt stung by that,

"why offer me the chance then?" he demanded angrily.

"you're right to question our motives. The fact is, we need more warriors." Bluestar meowed, recovering from her mild depression.

"understand that Bluestar does not make this offer lightly," Lionheart warned, "if you wish to train with us, we'll have to take you into the clan; and you must either live with us and respect our ways or return to your home and never set foot into the forest again. You can't live with a paw in both worlds."

A cool breeze ruffled Rusty's fur, and he suddenly felt like his life was on a pivotal moment (Wave angel: oh yeah, breeze of destiny!). He shivered, not because he was cold, but because of the opportunities and choices that had been laid at his paws.

"are you wondering if it's worth leaving your life as a pet?" Bluestar asked him gently, "do you realise the price you'll pay for your comfy life? And food?"

Rusty looked up at her, confused. Surely his encounter had proved just how awesome his life was?

"I can tell that you're still a tom, despite the twoleg stench that clings to your fur." Bluestar's words sent Rusty's mind into overdrive.

"whoa. What do you mean STILL a tom?"

"you haven't been taken to see the Cutter yet by your twolegs." Bluestar meowed gently, "you'd be very different if you had, not seen keen to fight, I think."

"so they, what? Turn me into a she-cat?" Rusty was getting a little high pitched with panic at the idea of not being a tom anymore.

"no, you'd still be male, you just wouldn't be a tom." Bluestar added patiently.

Rusty stayed confused, then it clicked. Henry. Henry had gone to the vet and come back changed. Was this what the cutter did?

"the clan may not offer such easy food or warmth, in the season of leaf-bare things are hard, night's can be cruel. The clan will demand great loyalty and hard work. You'll be expected to protect the clan with your life if necessary. And there are many mouths to feed. But you will get so much more. You'll remain a tom. You'll be trained in the ways of the wild. You'll learn what it is to BE a cat! And even when you are alone, the spirit of the clan will be with you."

Rusty stood reeling from an information overload. Bluestar seemed to be offering him the life he'd always dreamed about, so many times, could he really live like that?

"Come on Bluestar, we need to go meet Tigerclaw's patrol, or he'll wonder what's become of us." The golden tom stood and waited expectantly.

"wait! Can I think about it? your offer?" Rusty meowed hurriedly.

"of course, it's such a big decision. Lionheart will be here tomorrow at sun-high, give him your answer then." Bluestar meowed, then she too stood and signalling to her cats, leapt away into the undergrowth, leaving Rusty to trudge back home, even thought the forest felt like it wanted him to wander deeper into it.

As he jumped onto his fence, he looked back, and almost returned, then he jumped down, into his own garden.

* * *

woo. so there it is. hope you all liked! please R&R!! hopefully i won't take so long next time. but who knows. my teachers could be really mean and give me homework. anyways, til next time folks!!


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